In the last couple of months I have had to find ways to reorient myself in a COVID riddled world. As a nurse practitioner for 20 years, I thought I knew how to navigate medicine as a provider. Yet, here we are. Ever changing rules, guidance that becomes outdated almost immediately after it comes out, testing strategies, quarantine, on and on it goes until at times I find my head spinning just to negotiate it all. My personal world was turned inside out as well as the kids are trying to adjust to remote learning and trying to understand what exactly has happened in the world and why we can't have a birthday party. Personally, I had races cancelled, my gym was shut down for months and all of the events I trained for vanished one after another. It's all just a bit heavy.
As of late, I have tried a reboot of sorts. I set big 2021 goals that honestly, seem a bit crazy, but in my mind, if it seems crazy it probably means I should do it. That being said, I am learning to adapt to a whole new training strategy. Said strategy is the transition from a solely group fitness type HIIT training to adding in targeted strength training with a trainer and some new training partners. See, there was always something about group fitness. My peeps at the usual 8:45, singing along to our favorite songs, teasing our trainers and just having a good time as we busted it out day after day. However, as fun as that was, it didn't get me where I needed to be on the race course. Nonetheless, I still go, but outside of there, in a gym across town, there's a guy with a clipboard counting every rep, correcting every miniscule break in form. He even watches me breathe for God's sake. Yet, I had to put my fitness in his hands if I am going to get anywhere in 2021.
In one of our first sessions he pulled out these iron bars. Apparently that day I was graduating from a kettle bell carry to whatever this thing was. I was pleased with my initial kettle bell carry the week before. I easily carried 94 pounds 80 feet, not bad at all. However, with this contraption, he instructed me to put ten pounds on every corner. As he talked to me about gripping the handles, breathing, bracing, short steps, shoulders engaged, I found myself wanting him to cut to the chase. How heavy was this? What was I about to do?
"Let's not talk about weight. Now, here's what you need to do....."
Ok, well he's the expert. I did as I was told. Pick it up, short quick steps to haul ass 40 feet, set down, deep breath, brace and haul ass back. It was a challenge, but I got it done. Only then he asked me,"How heavy do you think that was?" I suspected somewhere where I had been last week. It was heavy but I was able to do it. Must be the same. Right? OK no. It was 144, a full 50 pounds heavier. He explained to me that in talking about weight we automatically put a limit on our capabilities as our preconceived notion of our own ability is always far below what we can actually do.
Let's face it, COVID is heavy, life is heavy. I wonder how often we focus on the weight of it all claiming defeat before we even get started, convinced we cannot handle that caliber of heavy lifting. Maybe the better thing to do is to look for the proverbial guy with the clipboard who can help us grab hold of life's challenges, breathe, brace, stand tall and haul ass forward no matter what the weight is.
Since that 144 pound day two weeks ago, I have progressed to 170 pound carries, and have come to learn that there is power in taking on the heavy and coming out the other side. I have also located a tribe of like minded bad ass heavy lifting women who refuse to talk about weight and instead push me to be my best. It is in this space I am reminded, no matter how heavy life is, the best is yet to come.
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