All these things, plus multiple other incidents coupled with being last to be picked for teams in elementary school and junior high harassment has given me a very well developed fear of looking silly. To be honest, it has held me back to a degree. There was the fear of trying new things like Zumba early in my fitness journey. I had convinced myself I would look like Elaine Benes on that fateful episode of Seinfeld.
Yoga was probably a no go too as I was not that coordinated and would likely fall out of the pose landing on my nose. The gym? OK no. I would never be as fit as those people and me trying to run 85 pounds heavier would just have not been a pretty site. I convinced myself everyone was watching and I looked silly. Then there was obstacle racing. I have a horrible fear of heights meaning a ten foot wall is a bit harrowing. Yes, thing after thing shot down in my own mind keeping me in that dark place of obesity and unhealthy living.
But, if you think about it, a lot of people have had great success daring to look silly. I mean really, think about the guy who decided cleaning dog poop out of your yard was a sustainable business. Imagine what his friends thought. You are making a living cleaning up poop? Yep. He is. There are a whole host of silly inventions we, as consumers, have decided we cannot live without all because someone dared to look silly.
Fast forward to Elaine pictured above. Yes. She looks silly, but this has become one of the most iconic Seinfeld episodes ever. The "Elaine Dance" is a thing. Very few adults would say they had not heard of this. So, for me, I guess I had to decide what was the worst thing about putting myself out there. I would look silly or I would fail. Neither thing is fatal but not doing it....I would run the risk of a life being something less than epic. So yes, at this point, I have done the Zumba. At that point the instructor was a latin woman who took her Zumba to heart and yes, I likely looked like Elaine but I did it anyway, finding a lot of other Elaines in that class. I have done the yoga and found the centered focus stretching to add much more to my psyche than any risk of looking silly. As to the gym? Taking the first step in is what mattered. Yes, I have stumbled off the treadmill, come off the rower seat, hit myself in the thigh with a heavy weight and had a variety of little mishaps. I may have even been a bit vocal at the top of the ten foot obstacle at my last Spartan Race. That is me. Clumsy at times, looking silly at others. At the end of the day, it comes down to getting over the fear, taking the chance and laughing off the mishaps because that is where your potential lives. Above all the most important thing is finding the right answer to the question: What if I fall? Erin Hansen answered it best with "but darling, what if you fly?"
