As I sifted through the ever growing list in my head putting it together like a crazy game of tetris, I was also thinking about the messages from clients that needed an answer. These were clients that needed motivation, making apologies for "just did a mile on the treadmill" or "my eating was not perfect." or "yesterday was my birthday, and I had cake." Apology after apology for not doing what they felt like was enough. Constantly comparing themselves to someone else who may run a bit further, or eat a bit better, or maybe skipped the cake on their birthday, when suddenly I felt the same.
The reality is, I am not a Pinterest Mom. If the cupcakes are going to school, the odds are pretty good they came from the grocery store, and we are just damn lucky I remembered they needed to go on that day and went with the right kid. When it comes to creative crafting, I am probably more likely to spend my time perfecting cooking the perfect steak on the Big Green Egg, rather than making an art piece out of burlap. The fact is, I have a healthy appreciation for the "Pinterest Fails" as I realize it is not just me that suffers from this variety of inadequacy. The fact that my current "To Do" list was much longer than my available time and energy only feeds this feeling of somehow just not measuring up.
Nonetheless, I found myself in an particularly challenging Orangetheory Endurance workout with plenty of time during half mile running repeats and 1000m rows to figure out how to separate out my own feelings of inadequacy and rise to motivate my members feeling the same. Then it happens as it often does for me, the music spoke to me and answered my question. Orangetheory is dimly lit in orange lights. The music is loud and generally fast and motivating. Tonight's offering contained Lady Gaga's "Born This Way."
It reminded me of how many times we stifle our own progress because we spend so much time comparing ourselves to others and apologizing for our own accomplishments because somehow they don't seem like it's enough, or maybe if who we are does not fit a particular mold set forth by ourselves or others we are somehow less. It is in this constant state of feeling less where we get lost. We have no hope and we simply give up. In my 45 year battle with obesity this has happened to me over and over.
It begs the question, what if, instead, we spent our time celebrating as Lady Gaga says, being born this way. Being born with strengths that belong to only us. By embracing our own strengths we no longer have to apologize for who we are. As for me, I decided my greatest strength today is the ability to take very limited time and prioritize the vital pieces of today's puzzle and put them all together in masterful fashion. Now, if only I could make some burlap piece of art out of that puzzle....but I digress.
As I rowed away, the lyrics rolled on reminding even me,"Don't hide yourself in regret, Just love yourself and you're set, I'm on the right track baby, I was born this way." I finished my row, and the runs and left drenched, leaving my own regret somewhere in a pool of my own sweat on the back of treadmill number 8.
I would go on to answer those messages, forbidding my clients to utter the phrase,"I only did." I asked them to replace them with,"I DID!" They were told to celebrate every single victory. Every accomplishment they could not achieve even yesterday. I asked them to pause and think about who it is they are finding as they reach each goal no matter how small. Every time, each and every time, I get back,"I am finding me." I do believe each of them is learning, that "me" is pretty amazing. It reminded me of the times my mom did exactly what is described in the song, she told me when I was young we were all born superstars....how many times we forget this in the age of competition and our constant need to outdo one another.
So tonight, I did what needed to be done. There's still dishes in the sink. The ten or so loads of laundry, oh wait, nine, can wait, as I did enough to get through tomorrow, and probably the mailman is not coming after 9 pm, so the bills can wait too. Instead, I take my much needed night off to celebrate sixty hours of hard work, not missing a workout and tucking my babies in tonight as my big victories. It may not be Pinterest worthy or even all that amazing, but for today it is my personal best and that is amazing. Time to pour the wine, toast my mom and not be a drag...rather be a queen.
