A Stripped Phillips Head is Never Functional

On Sunday, I found myself rooting through the junk drawer in the kitchen looking for a Phillips head screwdriver. The hinge on the pantry was missing a wood screw and I finally had a day off to fix it. There were usually screwdrivers, and other random small tools in there like a regular or needle nose pliers, intermixed with the old cell phone charging cords, random paper clips, old pens and a variety of things I probably really didn’t need anymore but don’t have the heart to throw out. I did locate said screwdriver, three of them as a matter of fact. Unfortunately, none of them would work. Kids and tools. It’s a thing. All three of them were nearly flat at the tip. I am guessing they were used to stab holes in concrete or a tree branch or whatever thing kids want use a Phillips head for that does not involve screws.  Even the previously mentioned pliers are sadly stripped from gripping God knows what, and not functional.

It would appear the hinge situation would require a trip upstairs to the secret tool box hidden in my closet. The fact is, I am kind of a tool nerd. Yes, I like to fix things around the house. I am the woman who went to the local home improvement store looking for an 18V cordless screwdriver because the 6v I had was not going to do it for the job I was doing. Besides, who doesn’t need a high volt cordless screwdriver? That visit was frustrating as three different male employees walked me to the pink screwdriver that took double A’s.  I think they thought I had some dainty little Pintrest project to do instead of changing out bathroom hardware.  Anyway, as I headed toward the stairs toward my secret tool stash, I happened to glance at the calendar. August 19. It was my granddaughter’s second birthday. I had gotten so wrapped up in that I had forgotten it was another very important anniversary for me.

Fourteen years. Fourteen years ago that day. I laid in a hospital bed 296 pounds, waking up from anesthesia from my roux-en-y gastric bypass. That was the day I just knew I would never be fat again. The answer. The fix. Here it was in a magical four hour surgery. Just follow the rules and surgery would take care of the rest and all the horrors of a lifetime of obesity would be gone. Well..... That assumption would prove to not be entirely accurate. Yes, I lost weight. Yes, I hit my goal, even dipped below it for a time losing 135 pounds. I even did a commercial for the group that did my surgery. Yes. My 15 mins of fame in the greater Dayton, OH area. The two days of filming was like my swan song as someone did my hair and makeup and right there under the lights, I had triumphed over my previous demons.

Years would pass. As with most things the “rules” would get a bit looser. I would start getting away with more food wise. Old habits crept in. It was ok. Some regain happened. Besides, I assumed it was part of the deal. Twenty pounds came back. Well, I figured I was not 296. So it was ok. Still a huge success. After a decade of gradual misuse of food, I found myself up 85 pounds and once again, obese. I was starting all over. Maybe not my lifetime maximum but starting all over again. Suddenly, facing a huge number. As I embarked on this journey three and a half years ago I had to really look at the surgery. Did it “not work” as so many like to say about it? 

Well, I wouldn’t say that. I was told  on day one this was a “tool”. Not really the miracle or the final answer. It was a tool. I suppose in the end, like those dull Phillips heads that plague my junk drawer if I used the tool other than the way it was intended it probably was not going to work well for me. For someone who loves tools and even spent one full day in complete nerded bliss over my new mitre saw, how is it I could use a tool so improperly? 

Maybe the answer was to realize that really no single tool will get us to good health.  I had ignored intentional exercise to use my body as an efficient machine to control the intake.  I had ignored the self care activities that now feed my spirit like a badass mani, coffee with a good friend or a new pair of running shoes.  What I was left with was 85 pounds of fat and a proverbial junk drawer of useless crap. 

I am happy to report on Sunday, I got my sharp, well cared for Phillips head out of it's padded metal box, installed a new wood screw, and the pantry door once again closes properly.  Said Phillips head is now safely back in its home, still sharp and ready to be used effectively on a moment's notice. As for my gastric bypass?  I have once again made my peace with the "rules" and am using them effectively for nutrition, however, I have come to learn that good health, much like big projects,  always need more than one tool.  I guess that's why my badass tool box has the coolest pair of needle nose pliers you have ever seen and a complete socket set.  I may not be perfect at using all of my tools, but one thing is for sure, I protect them like precious gold and try to keep others from dulling their purpose. 

I think I still have a long way to go to learn how to master all of my health tools, but am  grateful for being at my goal weight for two and a half years, the ability to take on new challenges and knowing in my heart of hearts the best is yet to come.