Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Journey is so Pissed

Being the head of a motivational health and fitness company, Team 1DOS, I spend an hour each morning updating my social media presence with motivational quotes to help keep my my mighty shiver of great whites moving.  As I was perusing my usual quote sources today, I ran across this one.



I have seen it before, but still, cracks me up every time.  In fact, I was still chuckling about it as I was pulling into Orangetheory today.  Wait.  It was today.  April 30.  It was April 30, 2015 that I entered this studio for the first time.  Today was my four year anniversary of training here.  I was suddenly flooded with memories from that day.  I was 85 pounds heavier wearing my XXL t shirt and hoping not to look foolish.  What was I doing there anyway?  I could not hang with these people.  These people ran.  They used that rowing contraption.  I couldn't do that either.  In fact, in my first few months here, I used the phrase "I can't" like a comma.

Looking back, maybe this meme is not as funny as I originally thought.  The years leading into the start of my transformation were loaded with multiple tragedies and stressors.  There was the passing of three very close family members in the same year, none of which were expected.  There was the stress of a three year extremely unpredictable Haitian adoption process to get our two youngest children home,  while at the same time dealing with  the difficulties of parenting our other adopted children of trauma, all with unique issues, demanding different parts of my emotional motherhood.  There was a cross country move to avoid the racial bias of where we were living, as we found ourselves to be targets in our own community.  Thing after thing.  Crisis to crisis.  It would seem all of my plate spinning to manage it all had gotten me to a place I stopped taking care of myself or believing in my own abilities.  With years of that, Journey should have been mad as hell.

It makes me wonder how many times we take all of the stress, crises and disappointments that go with this thing called life and use them as a crutch to lose all faith in ourselves to carry on and learn to live as our best selves.  How many times do we let the,"I can't's" become so loud that believing is no longer an option?

That being said, you may be asking how my four year anniversary workout was.  I suppose if I were some sort of romantic novelist this would be the part where I would explain "I can't" has totally left my vocabulary, I now run a five minute mile and squat 200 pounds.  Let's go with no to all three things.  Did I sing some heavy metal with my besties on the treadmill like usual?  No to that too.  Today, I had a unique day when my close gym family members were missing.  Work, life and kids had kept them out of our usual 8:45 class.  It was me.  Just me in a room full of non sharks attacking one of the hardest tread blocks I had come by in some time.  Twenty-two minutes of rolling hills with no walking recovery.  Here I was with the two things I thought I hated most, working out alone and running on the hill. As I got to work for the 2.35 miles for the 22 mins I found myself on the godforsaken inclines, I thought back to the scared power walker I started out as.  The one who came in the door four years ago and would not have covered much more than a mile in the same amount of time.  I was the same person who was terrified to try anything outside the studio because I didn't trust myself to do anything alone and not quit.  Yet here I was, showing up for myself conquering things I would have responded,"I can't" to four years ago.  These may not be olympic record setting things, but large victories in my journey to believe I can be my best self.  After conquering this class, the shout out from the trainer, who has walked the whole road with me, was that much sweeter and reminded me showing up for hard things and trusting myself to get them done is far more satisfying than avoiding them because they are uncomfortable.  



I'd love to tell you that this was the happy ending of a long journey and that the trials of life have not struck me in the last four years as I have walked this road, but they have.  The worst of which the sudden loss of my mother under circumstances I'd rather not think about.  There were other trials such as major health problems under my own roof, and children with their own unique issues.  No, all those plates are still spinning, with the addition of a very special plate that is held central.  It is the "show up for myself" plate.  That one is central and securely spinning which has ironically made all the other plates much easier to manage.  So, friends, I think at the end of the day our job is to not piss Journey off.  They are an iconic 80's band after all, and that would be just wrong.  Instead, we don't stop believing the greatest version of ourselves is truly attainable regardless of where you came from or what life is handing you at any given moment, and to hold on to that feeling that the best is truly yet to come.  

No comments: