Suddenly I See

There's something that happens when you make sweeping positive changes in your life.  Yes.  There is positive feedback.  The compliment that comes with fitting in a size four or completing a difficult race.  However, there is something very few successful people talk about out loud. Haters.  I was reading an article recently by Joe DeSena, founder of Spartan Race, that asked a simple question,"Do you have enough haters to succeed?"  He talks about haters being essentially the armchair quarterbacks, sitting back in the comfort of said armchair and watching things unfold, ready to attack whatever they see, yet they never actually enter the game.  This was an article I really needed.  As my organization is rapidly growing, so are the haters.  They tend to crop up everywhere, from social media outlets, to in person comments.  They all seem to subscribe to the "you are doing it wrong, you can do it better or stop doing it altogether" mentality.  I would love to tell you I am good at raising a triumphant fist, telling them off and forging ahead anyway.  The truth?  My 45 years of insecurity and people pleasing has stood in the way of that, leaving me to at times, question the lofty goals I have in front of me, and wondering if I had the wherewithal to continue to collect haters as we rise.  I was mulling all of this over today stuck in traffic.

Her face is a map of the world

Is a map of the world

You can see she's a beautiful girl

She's a beautiful girl

And everything around her is a silver pool of light

The people who surround her feel the benefit of it

KT Tunstill.  I think in that moment I felt anything but a silver pool of light, probably not a great thing for someone in the motivational business.  My nagging overthinking brain was busy working on methods to change people's minds and walk away hater free, knowing that was likely not possible.  However,  I could hold on to the Fourth of July.  I took a team of 31 racers to The Firecracker 4 in Saratoga.  We came in third for the most race registrations, earning a donation to Karl Koelle and my 1DOS Foundation.  One year in existence, and we came in just behind the YMCA.  A win for sure.

Suddenly I see

This is what I wanna be

Suddenly I see

Why the hell this means so much to me

There was the race itself.  Our recipient of this year's fitness scholarship, Deana, it was at her longest race to date, four miles.  She is down 45 pounds and killing it every single day.  I had the honor, after my own finish, to jump back in the race to cross the finish line with her.  Here she was 20 feet from the finish screaming,"I can't!"  I screamed back at her,"You fucking can and you will!  GO!"  She did and we cried happy tears as she knows completing this means she is much more capable than she ever dreamed and that there are bigger things for her on the horizon.  I would find myself sitting in traffic looking at the pictures.  Here is that moment in time I was cursing at her at a family friendly charity event, with the,"Oh my"look on another friend's face as the profanity came tumbling out.  I would love to tell you that had not happened before, sorry Firecracker people, I know her.  I know when it is time to push and what form of pushing fits her needs.  It is then I see it.  There on the far right.  Adriana.  Smiling, head up, Adriana.  

She's got the power to be

The power to give

The power to see

To the outsider, it's just another runner supporting our recipient.  To me, it is so much more.  I had this same finish with her a year ago when she was on her own journey.  When her,"I fucking can't" came out ten feet from the finish at The Heart Association 5k, yet another family friendly event, sorry AHA, to which I responded with the same answer I gave Deana.  Here she is now a year later, the power to see her own vision, the power to be strong and fit, and the power to give back to those behind her.  No, this was a smile of absolute identification with our recipient and pride in how far she has come.  Suddenly seeing this was the A-HA moment I needed to know exactly why the hell it means so much to me.  At the end of both of these races,  I would go on to explain to both of them, as lifelong obese people, we have spent years stopping ten feet from the finish as our brains screamed at us to fail.  I was not letting that happen for either of them.

Suddenly I see

Why the hell it means so much to me

These photos alone reminded me that there may always be outside haters criticizing what we do, but getting in the game,  shining our silver pool of light to benefit those around us, and not pulling back in the finish will mean so much more to all of us. I suppose in time, my insecurities with the haters will lessen, or I will learn to deal with them better, but looking at these photos reminds me that we are just getting started and the best is yet to come.