Turn it Up

Once there was a thankless leader blinded by a golden ring,

Now there's no more peaceful gatherings

- Hootie and the Blowfish,"Turn it Up"

So, if I am being completely transparent here, I suppose you could say I have been throwing myself a pity party of epic proportions as of late.  Last week, I took on the Dopey Challenge.  A 5k, a 10k, a half marathon and a full marathon in four days.  Forty-eight point six miles of running through the most magical place on earth.  It was my second time around with this venture, and altogether different from the first.  My team had scored much higher corrals than I did, and I would find myself  marathon morning in the last corral just ahead of the sweepers.  It was 87 degrees with 97% humidity that day.  Despite the 5:00 am start, or in my case 6:00, simply standing in the corral, I was drenched with sweat due to the humidity.  I would take off running with the other Galloway method runners for about the first two and a half hours, until the sun was up and I literally felt like I was baking right there on the road.  I would slow to a brisk walk as I could feel the blisters forming on the bottoms of my feet.  At mile 19, I uttered a sound I was pretty sure I had never made before, when the giant blister on my right foot popped.  The runners around me all asked if I was OK.  Let's go with no on that.  Later, I would lose a mile and a half at the end of the race when the number of heat related illnesses on the course caused officials to red flag the race just as I hit mile 21.  We were diverted away from one of the parks on the original course and sent directly to the finish instead.  At the time I was grateful.  Headphones dead, phone dead, feet hurt, and I was pretty sure I left part of my soul right there in the most magical place on earth.  I found myself bursting into tears right there at the finish.  

I ended the day with the bling anyway.  I tried to take credit for the mile and a half walk from my car to the start line as making up for the shortfall of actual course racing, but somehow the bling had lost a bit of its luster, when I knew I didn't totally do what I set out to do.  Add to this the gigantic blisters on the soles of my feet making even a walk to the kitchen for coffee difficult all week.  Damn that coffee was so far away these days.  Added into the mix were other equally challenging trials of life. Yes, I had the makings of an epic pity party.  Some motivational fitness leader I was.  I couldn't even walk to the bathroom.

Take me 'cross the aisle now baby, let me see how y'all get down,

Take a  hopeful sound and make it loud

Yesterday, I decided I had to do something.  It was time to fake it til I made it.  After all, I had 367 Sharks to not disappoint.  I did my best to put my proverbial fin up and dipped my toes back in the water, and try a modified workout.  A mile on the stepper with 800 feet of elevation, plus an arms and abs workout in my home gym led by a ridiculously peppy virtual Nike trainer, oh she was getting down alright.  As I progressed through the workout,  heart rate up, a little sweat, a little heavy lifting, gradually I began to hear the slightest hopeful whisper of the beyond Dopey me that is to come.  I would follow that with a much harder power day at the gym today.  As my feet are not run ready, rowing and biking it was to be.  I was slow at first, making sure I could do this today when it dawned on me.  This class ends in an hour.  Not in six hours while the sun beats down on me, while the skin on my feet wears away to the bone....  One hour.  Not 6.  I may not have run the full distance last week, but I did slog my way through 47 miles, which is not exactly a small number.  So....I turned it up.  In fact, I turned it way up.  Power rows over 300 watts,  standing up and pedaling that damn bike at over 200 watts, I turned that shaky whisper of something better into full blown vision.  

Turn it up

'Cause I've had enough

I take a lot of teams to races.  Watching people conquer their goals is a passion of mine.  This year, though, I trained for and did a race with my management team.  A team building exercise that reminds us that it is easy to lose sight of our own goals when you are busy motivating others.  In doing so we learned crushing our own goals makes us so much better for everyone else.  When I got home today, I printed out a picture of my 2020 1DOS management team challenge.  A mountain.  A BIG mountain.  It sits on my desk as I type this.  A real time daily reminder that no matter what happened in races leading into this, this right here is on the horizon.  I am slated to take on elevation I have never experienced before, and obstacles I have failed at in the past.  I have been able to renew my resolve to give my training hell to not fail this time.  It's big and scary, and as the phrase goes on my original race shirts,"if it excites you and scares the crap out of you at the same time, it probably means you should do it."

I said, turn it up

When I've had enough

I wanna feel the love

Ah c'mon, turn it up

I have spent part of the afternoon revamping my training plan, finding my mojo screaming so loud in my head that I have nearly forgotten about the pain in my feet or the missing mile and a half last week. It would seem there times in life that we feel we do not measure up, the road seems too long and hard, the blisters too big and the coffee too far away.  Perhaps the trick is to decide you have had enough of the pity party and find the whisper.  Find the quiet voice that says,"Wait a minute.  None of that matters. Pick your head up, focus on the horizon, put one foot in front of the other and realize you got this," and crank that shit up as loud as it will go.  Only there will we  move forward, find our best selves, feel the love and know for sure, the best is yet to come.