The Jungle of Corona

Welcome to the jungle, we've got fun and games,

We got everything you want honey, we know the names,

We are the people that can find whatever you may need,

If you got the money, honey we got your disease

Guns N' Roses                                    

I suppose you could say there had been a little shift in my pre work playlist.  It used to be I would gear up with something upbeat like Katrina and the Waves,"Walking on Sunshine."  Why?  I have been a nurse practitioner for 19 years and I love what I do.  I love solving medical puzzles, but more importantly I like to walk aside patients in their illness.  I like to help them to understand the steps we are going to take together to get them well, whether it is medication, a cast, or sutures...  There is a certain satisfaction in having a hand in making something better for someone else.  Well, there was anyway, but that is all different these days, as we are living in the age of corona. 

Welcome to the jungle, it gets worse here every day,

You learn to live like an animal in the jungle where we play

Ah yes, corona, more specifically COVID-19, the emerging invisible monster that has effectively put life on indefinite hold on so many fronts.  There are scary graphics over news stories, and frightening footage from Italy.  There are drastic measures to "flatten the curve."  Just like everyone else, I am frustrated by all of the closings.  Frustrated my kids are home for some weeks.  Worried about the lost time in the classroom for my Haitian child already behind.  Worried about a major event I am hosting not becoming a reality and hurting the charity I run. Hell, even my beloved gym is closed.   My worries went on and on and were only compounded with having to go to work  as usual, with the opportunity of said invisible monster to enter my doors at any moment, which made work a bit more like a wild jungle, rather than a cheery clinic.  

You know where you are?

You're in the jungle baby

You're gonna die

I get asked if I am afraid all the time.  I will admit.  My first shifts after the news hit I was apprehensive as  I didn't really know what I was walking into.  I am in leadership in my company, so I put on the brave face, geared up with a little Guns N' Roses, gave my staff a pep talk and got to work.  What I found was not really a jungle.  It was more me in a mask,  sitting down with patients that were absolutely panic stricken and once again doing what I love to do.  Walking the corona path with them helping them to understand the illness and making plans for moving forward be it testing, quarantine or reassurance.  As far as me catching the corona virus?  It may happen.  However, I took my health back five years ago.  If it does, I know I will recover and take on yet another badass 8 foot wall on the side of a mountain later this year at a Spartan Race.  Only now, I have the opportunity to truly test my own resolve, as with the gym closed, all training in this period is now self motivated. 

I suppose now that I really think about it, life is full of invisible monsters.  There is the haunting of past failures, there is the envy of those smashing the very goals we only dream about but never think we can really accomplish.  There is the healthy fear of change, as our comfort zones have become our very own paralysis, even when they no longer serve us.  It is these monsters that keep all of us trapped in our own jungles with no clear direction to get out.  Maybe the better thing to do is to put on the mask, trust our own resolve, grab the proverbial machete and start whacking away at the things standing in the way of our vision.  Only then will we see the path to our goals.

Truth be told?  I think we will come out the other side of Corona, maybe a little wiser, and hopefully a little kinder.  The better question is, until then, will we lose sight of the notion that better things are ahead?  I'll be honest, I lost it in the panic of it all for a bit.  However, today after my shift it was time to change up the play list.  As it turns out, stepping out of the jungle of frustration to walk on sunshine did help spark the air of optimism I have been missing as of late, and I was easily reminded that the best is yet to come.