Success

I suppose what needs to follow an entry dedicated to failure is maybe one dedicated to success. How is it I now obstacle race and wear a size four. What is the secret?  That is the question I get a lot. Looking back, that list of failures discussed yesterday would lead one to believe no commercial diet is going to help so then what?  What is it?

To answer this question I go back to my favorite red and white striped shorted diet guru. When I was sweating to the oldies I know Richard Simmons had a license plate that said "Y R U FAT". He was on TV a lot nose to nose with morbidly obese people who would end in tears as they discovered what it was that got them there. This was such a dramatic scene it was parodied a lot. I used to watch it cheering on these underdogs and hearing their horrific stories of terrible childhoods. I never thought that applied to me. I had a nuclear family that after my upbringing ended in divorce. I have my own family now and a great career. So no. My dad was not an axe murderer and my mom was not turning tricks to support her habit. However these stories made for good TV. In a similar style Biggest Loser did the same. Tearful revelations. To be truthful I always wished Jilian Michaels would be my trainer. Somehow I knew she could get the job done.

The reality is, however, these things I once felt were entertaining TV actually had a lot of relevance to my life. I had it pointed out to me almost two years ago by a close family member that my siblings were better than me. One was smarter and the other got the personality. I was told
I simply would not ever measure up. Now I realize how that sounds. Mean spirited and cold. The thing is this person meant that as plainly as if they were describing our relative eye color. This is actually a very loving person. In that moment and the torturous weeks that followed I began to understand my own place in my family. My spot in the proverbial pecking order so to speak. I learned that no amount of fighting would change that. I also learned that there were those in my life outside of my family that needed me to be that person as it filled some other void for them. Through all my jockeying for position I had become exactly who everyone else needed me to be. The fat sister. This left me wondering well.....what if I wasn't?  What would happen if I became the person I was made to be?  I realized there was a fair amount of fear here. Fear of losing people as I would no longer be what they needed. Rather what I needed to be. So I took the challenge and faced the fear.

For me the challenge looked like a low carb diet and a trip to Orange Theory. I found my successes, albeit small were all celebrated until ultimately all those small successes added up to who I am now. I even found my own Jilian like trainer who uses the phrase,"mental toughness" to get me through the hardest challenges. Did I lose people in my life?  Not totally. Relationships have changed as a result and I find it is nowhere near what I feared.

So I suppose the answer to Richard question Y R U FAT is more than just dramatic television, it was literally the secret to unlocking my success which is way better than being someone else's failure.