Yes, that's me, pedal to the medal. It's like those fancy German sports cars zooming on the
Audubon at breakneck speed amidst the beautiful scenery. Balls out bad ass intensity much of the time...or so it seems to most people. I am not alone in this lifestyle, in fact, the fitness world has even designed workout days for people like me who don't seem to slow down. We call these "active recovery days". It's the "lesser" workout sandwiched in between the balls out sessions we are used to. To be fair, these are the compromise days we take when we cannot seem to take a real rest day.
It all sounds fantastic right? OK lets be real. Why can't I take a real rest day? Why don't I slow down? The answer is not as glamorous and sexy as a joy ride down the Audubon. The answer is fear. Keeping the house afloat fuels long hours. Keeping the kids sane and on track in school when they are from different countries and have different needs fuels long outside work hours. Running the motivational company is fueled by the fear of a missed opportunity that I may be able to help someone else navigate their way out of the prison of obesity or an unhealthy lifestyle and stay stuck the way I was. Crazy workouts fueled by a fear that magically one rest day will bring back all 85 pounds and I will be back where I started. So, no. This pedal to the metal is more like a car on the test track at breakneck speed headed for the wall.
The wall. Yes, I do hit the wall. Routinely I hit the wall. Fortunately, I do not resemble the crash test dummy with the yellow and black squares. My wall instead, looks like the sudden realization I began my day six hours before my ten hour shift even began, I am finally home post shift, standing over the washer doing laundry and I am suddenly struck by the notion that I cannot do one more thing and it is time to collapse until I can go again tomorrow.
This brings me to yesterday. I got up in the morning after a day that resembled the one above and I found myself at Orangetheory. My exhaustion had been pushed away, fed by my routine fear of lost gains which kept me safely from taking a rest day as usual. The workout was a quick run, a quick set of reps, a quick row, another quick set of reps then repeat. The runs increased, the rows decreased. The bottom line was I could not get my heart rate up to get a huge calorie burn. Maybe it was the runs and rows were too short, or I was simply tired. I found myself increasingly frustrated and a little bit desperate to make it work and get my obligatory 12 minutes in the orange zone, until the words of a very wise friend came to mind. "Be present." These two words are such a struggle for a balls out multitasker like me. In order to do that, I had to let loose of the notion this would be my usual pedal to the metal workout, fight off the fear of losing gains and just let it unfold. I began to work on pushing away the frustration by focusing on the glow of the orange, the sloshing of the rower, the feel of the 20 pound dumbbell in my hand, the rhythm of my own feet on the treadmill and the music. Side note: my trainer has a propensity for Kanye, so "now that don't kill me can only make me stronger..." may have helped some too... Suddenly, I was here, no place else. I pushed the frustration and the noises of life out of the way for an hour. When I was done, I discovered I had only burned 323 calories, I usually get over 400, with only 2 minutes over 84% of maximum. In reviewing the stats, I realized this must be truly what was meant by active recovery. Shutting down the intensity to revitalize the spirit of exactly what was happening in that room in that moment. I found I was not completely exhausted, in fact, just the opposite. I was renewed, a lot more settled, and no longer afraid of losing my gains or really anything else.
This caused me to think a lot about my crash test pedal to the metal ways. Maybe the answer was not push until I hit the wall, while giving off the impression I am on the Audubon, but instead pursue some personal active recovery time. Surely there had to be something between the test road and the wall. Today, I have chosen a comfy set of sweats I make no apologies for, an adult beverage, because it all cant be about kale, lit several fall scented candles and selected an appropriate chick flick (yes I will cop to "You've Got Mail" because a classic never dies, and besides, who doesn't enjoy the retro sounds of dial up serving as a back drop to a classic Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks romcom?). I have tossed the to do list aside and traded crash dummy impact with the wall for active recovery of my soul, reminding me once again life is more about balance and less about speed.
