Finding the Calm

52 hours in 5 days, one day off followed by 5 more days of the same and it is only day 4 of this craziness. Add that to some of the messiness of life has weighed heavily on me lately. To date I have found exhausting myself completely at the gym has been an effective tool for dealing with things,  however today, my ride to my moonlighting job proved to be a bit more restless than usual. Even my 2.5 mile run plus floor and rowing at OTF at 6:15 this morning had not settled things much in my soul.

I found my mind wandering on the drive through the messiness of it all hoping to find the magical

solution when I suddenly found myself northbound on the thruway 70 miles an hour through the rolling hills of upstate NY. A familiar drive for me, as until August I did it morn less than 3-4 times a week. Now my primary job takes me into the city of Albany. The opposite direction of this. So, today was the first time I had gone this way in about two weeks.  Today I was struck by the fiery bursts of fall color starting to peek through the green. The sun was out, not a cloud in the sky and in that moment it was as if a picture of vibrant colors against the bluest of skies had been painted only for me. 

Seeing all that fall beauty reminded me of something. This caliber of beauty exists despite the trials of life. It emerges even when the answers do not. It also reminded me that in the craziness of the last few days I need to look hard for the beauty in the midst of the chaos. I will admit I may or may morn have pulled out the iPhone camera in an attempt to capture that moment on camera to save for later.....it resulted in a great picture of the window of my suburban and the highway. The colors were so bright, so expansive and so big a camera just was not enough. Perhaps God's way of telling me to enjoy it in that moment not when I could no longer see it. 

In that moment, a song came on. Anyone who knows me knows I am one who believes in the notion that there is a song for every mood and situation. In fact my daughter Grace is named for the Matt Maher song "Your Grace is Enough" as her adoption took so long and was so difficult, Grace was all I had in those moments. Then there is the polar opposite sentiment as I have a need for the Beastie Boys for the killer out of bed for the 5:00 am workout.  I have the 80's for long car rides to torment my 20 year old and on and on. I generally have one rule when it comes to music. No country. Just is not my thing. However today,  for some odd reason my Sirius radio went rogue. I suddenly was aware of Taylor Swift coming through the speakers. Not someone I generally listen to but in that moment as I drove the last few miles toward my exit almost disappointed the ride was over and I was leaving this setting the perfect phrase came on. It is something I think about in this moment finally in my sweats after a sixteen hour day still reveling in the sudden burst of color that brought me an oasis of calm in the crazy of life.

"....and when I got home, before I said Amen asking God if He can play it again...."